Dear myself: a letter of apology
Dear myself, I owe you…I shattered the bottle on the wooden floor
My sloppy fingers couldn’t hold it anymore
Numbed away in a wine riptide
As I sit, as I fade, as I subside…
Dear myself, no tears are left in this slow motion…
Lost lucidity, washed emotion
My mouth has made a pact: liquid sedation,
Drowning myself, remain unfelt as a salvation
Dear myself, before I collapse,
I whispered all I couldn’t say into the glass
Dear myself, here’s my confession
Flooding the room, this spilled expression:
Dear myself, I owe you love
And a full gaze into my own abyss
And a kiss for every bullet, hit and miss
Of trying to finish you with no pitty,
Dear myself, I owe you dignity
And not just a mere plastic bag reputation,
A dysfunctional cage, lifetime incarceration.
Dear myself, I owe you time, I owe you space
For every dawn I stayed awake, wishing to self-erase
Dear myself, I owe you sorry, again and again
For my own hands against my throat wishing to die
For the self-hate, the self-harm, self-sabotage, self-muted-cry
Dear myself, I owe you understanding
I pushed you down, but you kept standing,
For all the scars I never saw as warrior spears
For all the flaws I kept hiding, unlived years
For all the times I never let myself shine through
Decades squeezing into forced normality world view
Dear myself, I owe you freedom and dreams came true
Dear myself I owe you gratitude, empowerment, I owe you,
Dear myself, an embracing lap to rest your head from my own violence,
And breaking free from my own ghosts, new world to breathe, new existence
A cosmic dance to fall in love like it should have been
A true restart, dear myself, reborn within.